ugh.

I've been plagued with a lot of "bah... no one wants to hear about that; nobody gives a shit anyway" feelings lately about anything it might have occurred to me to post (both here and in treeofstars. This is one of my very most major utterly McLargehuge issues, by the way: fear not just of active rejection, but of rejection by apathy.

Which one is worse is slightly different under different conditions. I think active is worse if it's something I presented in full confidence, although depending on mood I might be able to get into a discussion, defend myself and come out feeling fine. Passive in that case isn't so bad because then I just go away feeling "well, fine, I still liked it and I don't care if no one else does." If it's something I presented in a trembling hope of acceptance, I think both are pretty close, but passive might be a bit worse; it's that silence that says "this is so dumb stupid we're not even going to bother to tell you about it, because you should have known better. what were you thinking?" If it's something I figured people wouldn't like anyway, then hm... probably active, because I'll feel put upon or annoyed. "If it sucked so much, why did you have to tell me about it?" kind of feeling.

ugh.

I've been plagued with a lot of "bah... no one wants to hear about that; nobody gives a shit anyway" feelings lately about anything it might have occurred to me to post (both here and in treeofstars. This is one of my very most major utterly McLargehuge issues, by the way: fear not just of active rejection, but of rejection by apathy.

Which one is worse is slightly different under different conditions. I think active is worse if it's something I presented in full confidence, although depending on mood I might be able to get into a discussion, defend myself and come out feeling fine. Passive in that case isn't so bad because then I just go away feeling "well, fine, I still liked it and I don't care if no one else does." If it's something I presented in a trembling hope of acceptance, I think both are pretty close, but passive might be a bit worse; it's that silence that says "this is so dumb stupid we're not even going to bother to tell you about it, because you should have known better. what were you thinking?" If it's something I figured people wouldn't like anyway, then hm... probably active, because I'll feel put upon or annoyed. "If it sucked so much, why did you have to tell me about it?" kind of feeling.

chirp tweedle

What is up with this bird outside my house who starts his (?) singing at about 1:30 am? Last night I was up listening to him til about a quarter to four. (It wasn't that the song was keeping me awake, but I was up til about 3 working on something and it takes me a good while to fall asleep.) Maybe it isn't the same exact bird, but the song is identical so it's at least the same species. If it's more than one, is there some kind of bird nightclub going on outside my house?

Related, I wonder if Mr. I-Own-the-Birch-Tree Q. Hummingbird is going to be back this year. (How long do hummingbirds generally live?) Last spring and summer I would often see a hummingbird perched on the topmost (leafless and dead, actually) branch of the birch tree in the back yard, singing his tiny chirpy cheap-red-birdcall-you-twist-to-work throat out. My mother and I both surmised that it was the same one, staking out his territory. Kind of comforting to see, in a way, actually.

chirp tweedle

What is up with this bird outside my house who starts his (?) singing at about 1:30 am? Last night I was up listening to him til about a quarter to four. (It wasn't that the song was keeping me awake, but I was up til about 3 working on something and it takes me a good while to fall asleep.) Maybe it isn't the same exact bird, but the song is identical so it's at least the same species. If it's more than one, is there some kind of bird nightclub going on outside my house?

Related, I wonder if Mr. I-Own-the-Birch-Tree Q. Hummingbird is going to be back this year. (How long do hummingbirds generally live?) Last spring and summer I would often see a hummingbird perched on the topmost (leafless and dead, actually) branch of the birch tree in the back yard, singing his tiny chirpy cheap-red-birdcall-you-twist-to-work throat out. My mother and I both surmised that it was the same one, staking out his territory. Kind of comforting to see, in a way, actually.

the tech is strong with this one

What do you mean, "breathe"?

You scored as Stage Manager. You are the Stage Manager. You are large and in charge. Keeping track of all those crazy people is a task! Just remember to breathe. </td> Stage Manager 80% Techie 70% Chorus 70% Supporting Role 45% Costume Designer 35% Lead Role 10% Which type of Theatre Person Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

the tech is strong with this one

What do you mean, "breathe"?

You scored as Stage Manager. You are the Stage Manager. You are large and in charge. Keeping track of all those crazy people is a task! Just remember to breathe. </td> Stage Manager 80% Techie 70% Chorus 70% Supporting Role 45% Costume Designer 35% Lead Role 10% Which type of Theatre Person Are You? created with QuizFarm.com