villainy hive 24

TIL how to check wifi signal strength so that I can make sure to have a decent video chat at my studio next week for group therapy - we do it online (everyone else is in the Ann Arbor/Detroit area with my therapist) and this week I'm working at the studio right up until the call starts so wanted to make sure I could connect here strongly enough for the call to work (the tech is a little tetchy and requires a very strong wifi signal, which this studio does not provide - my hotspot however will do the job, I learned).

Finished sparkling, brought my laptop to finish my work here while traffic is thick and will get some groceries and drive home after it dies down.

I'm getting really good at opening thai young coconuts with my newly sharpened chef's knife, and also at eating entire thai young coconuts in a single sitting. SO YUM.

I will put my hair back into space buns again before I leave here.

Grateful for a/c! It's 92 and muggyyyyyyy. Back down to 70s/80s the rest of the week, thankfully. Might try hiking silver star mountain tomorrow. It's the only place I've ever seen pika. (I hear them lots of places but have only laid eyes on one at silver star.) It's bear grass time and such a beautiful little mountain, nestled between the gorge and several cascade volcanoes (rainier, helens, hood, adams).

I'm tirrrrrrrrrred but my headache is gone thankfully!

I was in the worst mood yesterday and this morning but I feel so much better now. Work fixes it, sometimes. I had a wonderful morning, cleaning and cooking and showering and taking care of my cat and my husband. I made him a beautiful lunch. And myself also! Green salad and salmon salad for him. Purple food for me. (Cabbage and radishes with the last of the porchini mushroom gifted from the mountain.)

( food/body related. )

Tentative date with Finley Thursday? It's not tentative but we've already rescheduled twice, so, fingers crossed. I miss him. But I can't say those words to him. He won't say it back. Although he did say once, a year or two ago, when talking about leaving the country, "You're the only person outside of the polycule I would miss." He cares somewhat, or at least, he used to.

I keep listening to Rey's Theme in the car and playing Star Wars scenes in my head. It's such a fantasy land. Why does no one in space ever use a toilet. I think they are all angels. With angel-propelled aircraft. And somehow endless fuel and batteries that never die, somehow there is always charging available. I struggle with a lot of suspension of disbelief, the constant contradictions within the plot, the senseless violence, treating life as sacred and meaningless simultaneously. But I also love love love the feelings that universe evokes.

Needed to lock down my last couple entries because of too much detail about money/income related to the messed up taxes fiasco. I'm still feeling nauseated and unsettled about it but slightly less, it will diminish as I get used to the fact that this is just my new normal, now. I know they cut something like 81% of the staff at the IRS so they're basically purposefully messing up people's taxes and letting us drown in the fallout. My issue of payments from a secondary spouse not being applied to a joint return is known and common, the software is antiquated and can't resolve the two SSNs automatically, who knows if/when it will get fixed or what. But at least, it happens enough that they probably have a system in place for fixing it, once they get through the stacks of mistakes and eventually reach mine? Going to try not to pay it so much upset and attention, it's just really hard. We already bent over backwards and went so far out of our way to make sure we did everything right and this is clearly their mistake. So. Trying to relax about it.

It's a tough adjustment taking away Avalanche's free reign. She keeps going to the cat door and crying. I am wondering if I seal up the mystery hole in the bottom of the fence under the clematis and maybe somehow install a barrier so she can't climb up the tree, maybe that will solve the problem, or at least make it so I can let her out when I'm here at the house but not necessarily watching her.

I need to do some research on pet GPS devices, too. If she had something that actually worked and also alerted me immediately if she leaves, that would allow her more freedom also.

I am pretty sure when we lost her the other night she was just hiding under the neighbor's deck and not coming out. I shined my flashlight under there but it's a huge deck and I couldn't see all the way inside of it.

So I am playing with her and hyper focused on her in the mornings in the yard so she doesn't go anywhere, which takes away from all of my relaxation in the mornings, as it's about an hour of pure Avalanche supervision and play, but I want her to have some freedom and playtime so, I will get used to it. Just a tough adjustment.

It's fun to daydream about building some elaborate structure that she could run up like the tree but in the middle of the yard so she can't escape. But that's probably way overkill.

It's such a perfect day already. I need to get dressed and head to the dentist. Grateful I got in! Not looking forward to images as I just had that done, but will probably have to start over since this is a new doctor. sigh. At least it's close by.

It's funny how some songs just sort of creep into the cell structure of my being. I could not imagine existence without this song interwoven into my body. It's not a favorite or anything, but it is indispensable, if that makes sense. Everything would be different if we didn't have it.



Grateful to live in the same timeline as Thom Yorke.

(Showing my age just a touch here lol.)

Trying to get ready for a little lookout tower trip, been dragging my feet all morning. It's just one night and I realized I am dreading it because a) my foot and back hurt so much and b) last lookout tower trip ended so badly. But this won't be hard - Josh will be there, I don't have to do silks, all I have to do is walk slowly in the woods looking for mushrooms. I already made all the food, I just have to pack it. We can also eat in town, the town close to it is a tiny little depressed fruit town with spectacular views and rolling hills and it's sooooooo adorable, I've gone their twice to view comets as they have very dark skies. They have an ice cream shop and a darling quaint little historic hotel that serves brunch - I've never been there but I hear it's lovely and I hope I can get the boys to go.

I just am in a lot of pain and need an easy gentle couple of days.

It just sucks that I used to love these outings so much, and now I am afraid of them. I hope I can pull out of this. I realized last night I've been eating poorly again and withdrawing and cocooning and it's not serving me. I skipped my stretches entirely yesterday and I'm so mad at myself because I'm in so much pain now and I could have avoided it with just the bare minimum of effort, but I just didn't have it? Frustrating. I used to be so disciplined, I used to be able to push through discomfort, I am so out of practice and it's such an uphill battle to rebuild.

One small step at a time. It's the only way I've ever gotten anywhere.

Today is a new day and I get to try again. So lucky and grateful for that.

Dufur's catch phrase (pronounced DOO-fer) for the city is, "What can we Dufur you?" lol.