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A poorly done fic summary:
A potion induced comma sends tow unlikely people into a singing moment. *shudders* Song fic AU
(I read the fic, too. Severus and Hermione were singing "A Whole New World". How's that for nightmare fuel?)
"A potion induced comma" clearly called for crack!fic, which I'm posting here because in it I wrote a song (well, lyrics) about punctuation. I'm no Schoolhouse Rock, sadly, but I did manage to slip in an Animaniacs reference.
---
Hermione stirred the clippings of her own hair and then the powdered stone into her potion and waited patiently for it to turn the delicate pink colour described in the recipe. She waited. And waited. And waited some more. It stayed stubbornly lavender in hue. Hmmm, she thought. Maybe it can turn out slightly different colours for different people?
She tried to sneak a glance over at Harry's textbook to see if there might be any informative scrawls on the matter, but he frowned at her briefly and casually shielded it with his body.
Hermione re-read the recipe, doing some quick mental calculations on the interactions between the ingredients. No, shouldn't be dangerous if it came out wrong... maybe just a taste then. She dipped her little finger into the potion and stuck it into her mouth. It tasted oddly of parchment and paper and had a bittersweet tang like the smell of fresh ink.
She hiccuped.
",,,,,,", she said.
"What?" Harry whispered, looking at her with confusion.
",,,,,,!" Hermione repeated more urgently.
"Keep it down!" Ron said. "Oh no -- Snape must have heard you!"
Severus approached their table, scowling. "What is this, Granger?" he said, dipping a ladle into the translucent purple fluid and letting it run back into the cauldron. "I believe the heading on the page reads 'Pulchritudinous Potion'. This, on the other hand, is clearly Punctualis Potion. You added chrysocolla instead of chrysoprase, didn't you?"
"But how can the recipes be so similar?" asked Harry.
"Because, Potter, proper punctuation is a beautiful thing."
Severus:
We shall praise the humble comma
And the bang! if you want drama
And the question mark that lets you ask a friend
There's parentheses for adding
Little side remarks as padding
And the full stop when you know you're at wits' end
Hermione:
The emdash and the hyphen
If used carefully, enliven
But when used without discretion -- what a mess
Beware the semi-colon
If your sentences get rollin'
For they'll be run-ons when they should be less
Severus:
[drawing quotemarks in the air with his fingers]
These ones mark people's speech
Or words that overreach
Their normal sense of usage in your prose
They cannot emphasize
Unlike bold or underlines
That bald misuse of quotes gets up my nose!
Both together:
The apostrophe's a fun one
When something belongs to someone
Though it's never ever used to pluralize
But as regards the comma
Can't just use it when you wanna
Nor leave it out entirely; such lies!
Harry: Hey, you forgot the colon!
Ron: [pauses] Goooood night, everybody!
A potion induced comma sends tow unlikely people into a singing moment. *shudders* Song fic AU
(I read the fic, too. Severus and Hermione were singing "A Whole New World". How's that for nightmare fuel?)
"A potion induced comma" clearly called for crack!fic, which I'm posting here because in it I wrote a song (well, lyrics) about punctuation. I'm no Schoolhouse Rock, sadly, but I did manage to slip in an Animaniacs reference.
---
Hermione stirred the clippings of her own hair and then the powdered stone into her potion and waited patiently for it to turn the delicate pink colour described in the recipe. She waited. And waited. And waited some more. It stayed stubbornly lavender in hue. Hmmm, she thought. Maybe it can turn out slightly different colours for different people?
She tried to sneak a glance over at Harry's textbook to see if there might be any informative scrawls on the matter, but he frowned at her briefly and casually shielded it with his body.
Hermione re-read the recipe, doing some quick mental calculations on the interactions between the ingredients. No, shouldn't be dangerous if it came out wrong... maybe just a taste then. She dipped her little finger into the potion and stuck it into her mouth. It tasted oddly of parchment and paper and had a bittersweet tang like the smell of fresh ink.
She hiccuped.
",,,,,,", she said.
"What?" Harry whispered, looking at her with confusion.
",,,,,,!" Hermione repeated more urgently.
"Keep it down!" Ron said. "Oh no -- Snape must have heard you!"
Severus approached their table, scowling. "What is this, Granger?" he said, dipping a ladle into the translucent purple fluid and letting it run back into the cauldron. "I believe the heading on the page reads 'Pulchritudinous Potion'. This, on the other hand, is clearly Punctualis Potion. You added chrysocolla instead of chrysoprase, didn't you?"
"But how can the recipes be so similar?" asked Harry.
"Because, Potter, proper punctuation is a beautiful thing."
Severus:
We shall praise the humble comma
And the bang! if you want drama
And the question mark that lets you ask a friend
There's parentheses for adding
Little side remarks as padding
And the full stop when you know you're at wits' end
Hermione:
The emdash and the hyphen
If used carefully, enliven
But when used without discretion -- what a mess
Beware the semi-colon
If your sentences get rollin'
For they'll be run-ons when they should be less
Severus:
[drawing quotemarks in the air with his fingers]
These ones mark people's speech
Or words that overreach
Their normal sense of usage in your prose
They cannot emphasize
Unlike bold or underlines
That bald misuse of quotes gets up my nose!
Both together:
The apostrophe's a fun one
When something belongs to someone
Though it's never ever used to pluralize
But as regards the comma
Can't just use it when you wanna
Nor leave it out entirely; such lies!
Harry: Hey, you forgot the colon!
Ron: [pauses] Goooood night, everybody!
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