this made me funny ha-ha.

[arethinn]

from razorjak

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth ignorant asshats I'm putting under them...."

(now see, there's that word asshat again!)

Comments

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

I bittered up the punchline from the way I received it. The original only said loud-mouths.

I can't help you with the origin of the term asshat. I got it from a sergeant I served under back in the early 90s. I don't know where he got it from.

Now fucktard I am pretty sure originated in alt.gothic back in the late 90s.

[elf]

When I first heard this, the Perfect Country was Ireland, and the punchline was just, "Wait'll you see what they've got for neighbors..."

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

LOL. One of those jokes which you can easily customize with whoever you like and whoever you hate.

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

I love your icon! If I had fewer scruples, I'd steal it and claim it for my own.

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

Steal away. I didn't make it. Someone over on som_pos did last winter. There's a few of us around using it.

It just appeals to me since I am a pagan who can't deal with the suburban or urban "white-lighter" foofoo crystal-shitting tree-hugging bunny fuckers who are the most outspoken and really give anyone involved a bad name.

Maybe it's because I was raised in the backwoods. I know nature isn't all pretty flowers and singing birds unlike these fuckwits who wouldn't survive a day in the wilderness.

Ooops, am I ranting again? Sorry tass. But then again, if you remember, I was as outspoken on TNO and the other lists back in the day.

[enotsola]

I know someone IRL who was using fucktard sometime.. well, he was using it fairly commonly by '96 or so, and it spread around here from him. He claimed at the time to have started it on his own, if I recall correctly. And it's quite possible he was either on alt.gothic or was in contact with people who were. Frightening. It's also possible he saw it somewhere and decided to claim he'd come up with it to seem cool.