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Some of these are kind of dumb, but...
You Know You're From Silicon Valley When... |
Your combined household income is $140,000 and you can't afford shoes for the kids (it's not, but we have only one income) You think anything slower than DSL is barbaric, but can't get it in your neighborhood (this is quite true, and it annoys me) You know what DSL stands for (I'd say "who doesn't?" but I have a high proportion of geek friends, so this is a poor sample.) You and your spouse almost come to blows deciding to hit Peet's or Starbucks (the nearest Peet's is much further than the nearest Starbucks) You think that American food includes sushi, naan, pho, pesto and pad thai (...doesn't it? *giggles*) You met your neighbors once (about that many times, yeah) When asked about your commute you answer in time, not distance (This doesn't strike me as unique to this area. lots of people do this. In fact I would suppose that anyone with a substantial commute is prone to describe it this way.) Even though you work 80 hours per week on a computer, for relaxation you read your email and peruse eBay (:P) You have worked at the same job for a year and people call you an 'old-timer' (I don't work in IT believe it or not, so this isn't applicable.) The T-shirts you value most were for products that never made it to market (I don't wear these kinds of shirts) You can name four different programming languages and you are not a programmer (yeah, but again, geek factor) You remember the names of the three closest cheap sushi joints, the location of all the Fry's in the area and which companies your friends work for that are going public in the next year, but don't know the name of the mayor (uh, well, um... the vice mayor is Dean Chu and he lives down the street!) Standing in line at Starbucks you wonder why the employees don't call a head hunter (you lost me here) You work 6 miles from your home and spend two hours a day commuting and $40 a week on gas (lol, well, no. this actually kind of happened to me in Sacramento. but it takes me all of 3 minutes to drive the 2.7 miles to work, and I'd be surprised if I spent $40 a month.) Winter is when your lawn grows too fast and summer is when it dies (true, mostly!) The median price of a house is $500,000...for 1200 sq. ft. with no yard because it's a town house (something like that.) You live on some of the richest farm land in the world but most of what you eat comes from South America on a boat (er, no...) Your best friend lives across town but you hardly ever see each other because after your commute you're too pooped to spend another hour driving to their home (well, my best friend lives across the continent really, but I'm unusual here) You have a master's degree in engineering but half the people in your department either didn't go to college or have history degrees, except if you have a master's from Stanford, in which case everyone in your department has a master's degree from Stanford (no clue) You cringe when you see people in suits at your office, wondering if someone in management will make you stop wearing bunny slippers (heh... again I don't work in IT, so not applicable) You plan your vacation so that you don't have to drive back from the airport in commute hours (ugh, very true) You don't go to sporting events unless you are given tickets by your employer (no, I would sell them or something) You could sell your home and live like a king in 99% of the rest of the world, but don't because it would be difficult to move back. (heheh.. yup, probably) You have at least three computers at home. (er, well.. only three of them are currently in use!) You own at least one domain on the Internet, probably several. (sorry, only one.) You think it's normal to see chip-design software or relational databases advertised on freeway billboards. (um, it is.. because that's what's here. it's always normal to see ads within their "home market". it may not be normal elsewhere but that doesn't make it not normal in a general sense.) You know that California isn't just one big beach. (I hardly see how this is Valley-specific. Anyone who lives here should know this.) You know that not everyone in California surfs. (ditto.) You know there's lots of skiing in California. (ditto.) You know your rotating outage block number at home and at work, and listen for them whenever there are rolling blackouts. (I don't, because we're in a block with a fire station. Also, this isn't current. We haven't had rolling blackouts in several years.) If someone refers to "SunnytogaDeAnzavale Road", you laugh and know what they're talking about. (shaddup, you!) You take your out-of-town friends to see the techie gadgets at Fry's. But you don't let them buy anything. (erm.. Fry's is not a "hot date" location, kthx.) You know how to recognize re-sealed returned electronics at Fry's. (I think so...) You don't ask the staff any questions at Fry's. You know they hire idiots and pass the savings on to you. (I never have anything to ask them but "where's the..." anyway.) You watch dot-com boomers go back to the states they came from, and the traffic gets better by the month. But you are home so you're not moving. (Heh, kinda...) You own a Sport Utility Vehicle and have never taken it off-road. You wouldn't know what to do if you tried. Same with all your friends. (No I don't; I own a Corolla. :P) You don't know how to drive in snow. You're a road hazard when you visit the mountains. (No I'm not, since I don't drive there when there's snow! Ha-ha!) You think the horn and middle finger are essential driving tools. (No I don't. I'm a "soft" driver. I don't believe in aggression when sitting inside a 2000-4000 lb death machine.) You think bicycles don't belong on the road. (True. I don't get this. What's wrong with riding them on the sidewalk? Why make laws against that?) You think any car ahead of you doesn't belong on the road. (Generally true, but not because I want them to get out of the way; rather because they have passed me on the right at 80 mph, and I am scared at their weaving driving technique.) Your out-of-state friends are impressed at how much money you make... until you tell them how much you pay for housing. (I dunno, are any of you impressed? *scratches* but yeah, housing. Ugh.) You know that a "fixer-upper" home could cost a half-million dollars. (Only that? I'm sure $600,000 or more depending on its size.) You do a "California stop" at stop signs. And you think it's only Californians who call them that. (I try to fully stop...) You aren't bothered much by earthquakes because you're ready for them. But the thought of tornadoes and hurricanes terrifies you. (Quite so. But isn't the reverse true for people who live where tornadoes and hurricanes occur, but earthquakes don't?) You clearly remember where you were when the Loma Prieta quake hit. (Yeah, but this is like any local major event. People remember where they were when the towers were hit; things like that.) You know several funny stories about swimming pools in the quake. (Yeah, "funny" like "the neighbour's pool sloshed through our fence and flooded our yard." Now that's comedy.) You can't recognize a thunderstorm without seeing lightning first. (Kind of true. We don't get thunderstorms here for the most part. Be surprised if there was one every year. But I've been places where they're common, so I think I can recognize thunderheads in the distance...) You cringe when a Southern Californian refers to highways like "the 101". It's just "101". No "the". (Yes. Bleh! What is with that unnecessary article? *grin*) You call low clouds "fog" even if they're hundreds of feet off the ground. (No, I call those "low clouds", or "overcast" or something. Fog is when it's in my face and I'm breathing it.) At least once you have gone to San Francisco for the day wearing shorts and a t-shirt because it was a warm clear day in San Jose. And you froze your little *@#!% off in the fog, drizzle and wind. (Not exactly. More like wore pants and a hoodie thinking it would be enough and was still wrong.) You say you're from Silicon Valley because no one knows where San Jose is. (No, I say "San Francisco Bay area" because no one knows where Sunnyvale is. "Silicon Valley" is just silly except as a self-reference used in newspapers and joke lists like this.) You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Silicon Valley. (No, I inflict them on lots of non-locals! Bwaha!) |