name thoughts - general issues

[arethinn]

This is a perennial issue with me, so if you're bored of this kind of thing by now, just skip it.

I have been thinking about why I reject so many names other than just "that doesn't feel right", trying to get more specific about what would be the qualities of a name I would accept, besides "it sounds cool / I like it". I've come up with three major points:

1. Its sounds must not provide an easy route for mockery. It must not sound silly in and of itself, nor be easily alterable to an unfavourable nickname. No name can be completely foolproof in this regard, because anyone who is determined enough will find a way (I would have thought my legal surname would be hard to work with, yet a bunch of third-graders managed it), but some names seem to be "asking for it".

2. It should be appropriate for the venues in which it will be used. That is, it should match contexts, or be neutral (since it's hard to cook up one name that matches several disparate contexts). It's hard to get taken seriously in traditional witchcraft with a Pagan Three-Piece Suit like "Silver RavenWolf", for example. It also should not appear to be pretentious.

3. Perhaps most importantly, because if I could fulfill this, it would extend to the first two: It must be defensible. I must be able to justify why the name applies to me if anyone should challenge me. Ideally it should seem so appropriate that no one would even need to ask, but since a lot of detail of one's life is often obscured online or by contact only in certain contexts, it's possible that people wouldn't see why I would have a right to a name, so I should have one that I can solidly explain. (Thus, if I ran into either points 1 or 2, I would have a "maybe so, but it's still OK because..." argument handy.) On no account should I pick a name that leaves me hanging in this regard, no matter how well it fits 1 & 2, because when someone says "what? foul! you're not a ________ at all" I won't have anything to say back.

So, in summary, it has to be noncommital. It needs to "sound cool", be a name a personality can be attached to or built behind, but not say or claim anything I'm not absolutely sure I can justify and provide evidence of. Y'all might notice my current LJ name, "Madigan Foxbourne". It's a little along the lines of "Fernilee Grinlow" (with the sounds-silly turned down a little), "Vine Alphane", or "Madyn Weaver-Underhill" (actually the same forename, just Welsh instead of Irish), all of which which I used at various points, but it still sounds too pretentious and grand to me, like I'm trying to fake being an erudite high-born Brit or something, and in general I would fear that people would think "false advertising" if they a built up some picture of what went with the name and then happened to meet me in person. I want a cool name but don't think I can live up to one. There isn't enough of me here TO name. I'm basically "Third Girl at Club". *sigh*

(note that this post is referring to trying to select a public/general net use name, not a private magical name.)

Comments

[istari.livejournal.com]

Pick whatever YOU like and odn't worry what others think!
I used to get called "melon" and "melon head" because my name is Marilyn! Go figure...
Though, when it comes to friends, friends often tease other friends, sometimes mercilessly but it is more good-natured. If someone isn't your friend, than who cares what they think, really...
:)

[heartssdesire.livejournal.com]

If I could presume, I think that evaluating names based on what others might think of them, or think of you for claiming them, is a sure fire way to not find your name. Because I think when it comes to a magickal name it absolutely needs to be a decision in which YOU are the point of reference, not anyone else. If other people are your referent for feeling out a name, it seems like that would make it harder to recognize when you hit one that belongs to you.

I personally don't use my real magickal name as an online handle or in any public forum. I stick to the method of having a secret magickal name which I only share with people I choose to do magick with, and then only if there is a reason (such as doing magick together in which I have a reason to use my name aloud). I find it retains its power that way -- secrecy is a container that holds power. Besides, there are different functions of names: the purpose of a common name is social, but the purpose of a Craft name is to mark your soul. So I guess why I'm telling you this is to suggest that if you discover a name that Feels Right, but you don't feel comfortable using it because of what people might think, consider that it might be best as a secret name, and you can pick something more socially acceptable to use for social purposes.

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

...when it comes to a magickal name it absolutely needs to be a decision in which YOU are the point of reference, not anyone else. ... consider that it might be best as a secret name, and you can pick something more socially acceptable to use for social purposes.

I was referring to an outer, "socially acceptable" name in the first place with this post, not to trying to choose a secret magical name.

(That has its own problems. "It just doesn't feel right" has more weight, and "sounds silly" less and "mockery" almost none because anyone who would know it shouldn't be someone who would do that anyway. But I still have the problem of justifying it to the person in the mirror, so a lot of things never get past that gate, even if I should never have to justify it to anyone else.)

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

"Pick whatever YOU like and odn't worry what others think!"

Impossible. Foolish, even. What if they decide to harass me on account of my name? Make fun of me wherever they happen to see me, likely influencing others' opinions (especially if they are someone prominent)? Assume that because I have a certain name I must be a certain way, and reject me from list memberships or mock and disregard my every post (or similar)? People do judge others based on appearances and on the net a large part of your appearance is your name. "Whatever I like" is just setting myself up for failure. I have to be careful to present an appearance that will not a priori discredit me, nor prevent me from going/staying places.

[heartssdesire.livejournal.com]

OIC. I guess I made an errant assumption.

I do know what you mean about hesitating over how things sound. You want it to pass the "red face" test. That's as true for a secret name as for a social one. Come to think of it, it's even more so, because you have to be able to stand in front of the Gods and call yourself that with pride. I don't know about you, but I am way more concerned with my credibility with the Gods than with random humans.

It does sound like the person in your mirror might be discounting your merit though. ;}

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

I'm more worried about random humans because they seem much more likely to make my life miserable on account of things like this. Not that the gods are nicey-nice, but so far, no god I've ever met has had any interest in giving out the petty malicious playground crap that humans often seem to like to give out to each other. In the "spirit world", IME, "your name is stupid" would be tantamount to "what you are is stupid" and I haven't encountered any gods thinking thoughts like that. (Not that I really know how gods think...) What you are is what you are and "social" interaction in that context is very different.

Now, I wouldn't want to knowingly name myself wrongly... that'd be like trying to lie to the gods. But it seems more ok to have a magical name be something you want to develop or become, than to have a public-use name be that.

heh, catching up on lj finally!

[glitterychaos.livejournal.com]

I know that kind of paranoia, I went through it in a HUGE way the year before I filed the paperwork for the legal name change. But that`s exactly all it is: paranoia. People on the whole won`t really care what you call yourself, within reason. Call yourself Chaos and people will probably do the net equivilent of raising their eyebrows; but even under that name I`ve gotten almost exactly the same kind of respect as using more conventional and less outrageously arrogant names. My words and manner of writing online have held up even under that rediculous name, and I`ve used it for many years now.

People worth talking to are not nearly as judgemental as that. Hells, I took my otherkin name and made it my legal name, and I *still* get the respect and admiration from teachers and fellow students just as much as with my old name. Proof that a name is just a name, and not a terrible judgement on your character and worth.

I hope you can find peace, and a name that fits without the agony and stress that seems to radiate off this post...

Re: heh, catching up on lj finally!

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

Hrm, does that mean I should address your holiday card as someone other than "H.P." which is what you are in my list? I remember you murmuring about this name change but wasn't sure when/if you'd done it, and exactly what you were changing it to.

I guess I don't figure my "words and manner of writing" hold up? That if I attach a ridiculous name to something that is already ridiculous, it all comes tumbling down.

Re: heh, catching up on lj finally!

[glitterychaos.livejournal.com]

You are not, and never have been rediculous. You are far more real, and more than you ever seem to be able to give yourself credit for. You're not a fake, you're not going to be discredited or found to be lacking in any way by ANYONE who's anything but a total flake. I know we haven't talked much, but you're one of the people I find inspiring, yes really :) So, I think any name you can attach to yourself can't make everything collapse.

Or, do like I did and pick a name you know is a bit beyond you and hope to fill it someday. Era isn't exactly a commoner's name, and the last name combined with it makes it seem like I'm a priestess when we all know I'm just a little girl playing with fire and likely to burn down half my life at it... :) but maybe someday I'll grow into the name. Its a good way to choose a name, and it leaves room to grow and if picked carefully, gives a direction to grow to.

I meant to tell you, I think I'll send you an email though, a little less public than posting my legal name here :)