the other one I never knew, that I grieved

[arethinn]

I figured out who I was talking about in this post last night, who was the other one I had grieved for. Let me press rewind on the tape here:

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*lying in bed at about 3:45 AM, pondering* (ain't that always when things come to you?)

*goes over lists of characters from books and movies, briefly mind-touching on each one, as if looking for something*

"Can't be anyone from Red Dwarf. *touch* Rimmer being dead is milked for a lot of jokes, and it's not like he's not there anyway. LotR? *touch* *touch* That's impossible. Too mythic and remote. ElfQuest? *touch* What? No. Hitchhiker's? Did anyone really die in that? *touch* Can't be Marvin (although that was a bit of a sniffler)."

*puzzled*

*a strange idea occurs, almost laughable*

"I can't have been thinking of a real person, can I?"

*name comes totally blindside, without reaching out for it; eyes snap open and gut clenches*

HOLYCRAPIWASTHINKINGOFDOUGLASADAMS.

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I knew when I thought of the right name that I would get that feeling, and know the correctness; that reaction was what I was looking for in tapping everyone on the metaphorical shoulder. I thought I had made a post on LJ about it at the time, but as that was in 2001 (I didn't start this journal til 2002), I must have been thinking of an email or something (or maybe I mentioned it again in a later year -- I dunno, I might try to go looking for it).

I can only suppose that the common thread, and the reason I thought the other incident must also have been a fictional character, was that I never knew either one of them, and I do recall it taking me a bit of time to figure it out about Adams as well (I have never grieved for the deaths of anyone I actually knew, you see). I remember being shocked, feeling a cold vacancy in the field of my consciousness. This one is more fiery, at least for now.

I feel a bit funny about this under the light of day. Does it somehow cheapen or belittle the emotion real people feel for real people they were actually close to, friends or relatives? Do I have any right?

Must keep telling self: Must not feel ashamed just for having feelings, even if they may be a bit off-center. Must not fear ridicule.

Comments

[shalora.livejournal.com]

"Must keep telling self: Must not feel ashamed just for having feelings, even if they may be a bit off-center. Must not fear ridicule."

You're such a Virgo. Said with an affectionate smile. :)

Personally, I think feeling grief over a fictional character, or a person you don't know personally but who has influenced your life, is totatlly appropriate. Character-grief is a tribute to the author's writing, IMHO; they made the character so believable that you care about them enough to grieve their death. Heck, I've done it, but we all know what emotional spazzes Leos tend to be. ;) Grief, to me, is an acknowledgement that someone has touched your life in a special way, and that losing that person will leave an emptiness there. *shrug* Seems to me that it would apply to just about any person or situation, no matter how "close" or "real".

Okay, done rambling. Must go to work. :)

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

"You're such a Virgo. Said with an affectionate smile. :)"

Mmm, it's more than that. "Fear of ridicule" is a big thing for me. Although t's true there's little that works me up into strong emotion.

[dancinglights.livejournal.com]

I've always considered the lives of celebrity-types I don't personally know about the same way that I consider multidimensional fictional characters. That is not to say I don't ever care about them, especially in the case of fascinating artsy types, but I care about them from a peculiar mental distance. I know there is far more to both than I, in all my distant obsessive information consumption, can possibly comprehend without directly experiencing their lives. My feelings toward their projected selves are real, and have no effect on the feelings of closer people toward their real selves.

With or without that distinction, all internal emotional reactions exist entirely outside the realm of "rights". "Rights" start at observable actions based upon them. Very few people had the right to phone up and cry at Adams' family and friends. I think the rest of us have the right to talk amongst ourselves.

[treewitch.livejournal.com]

I'm fortunate that I have never known anyone close to me who died and *touch wood* that wont happen to me for a while. So fictional characters, who you do get attached to if the story is really well written, do affect me when they die, as do some famous people. *Confession* - I am still gutted that River Pheonix is dead. He died around my birthday and I remember just sobbing and sobbing. Yeah, people may laugh at that but tis true...

I am sure there are characters in books I have cried over too, but don't recall them at the moment, apart from Snape's death as you know, which made me bawl my little eyes out. I had such affection for the greasy man.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

Fictional characters are real people who don't exist in physical matter.

I'd say "energy" but that's really not quite it either. It's more a matter of dimension. It's hard to describe.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

they exist sideways of us? Something like that.

[amberite.livejournal.com]

Oh, and after reading DH I shut my eyes and went to my happy place where that stupid crap ending doesn't exist (except for Neville, he kicked ass) and any number of fan versions do...

He Was Not Done Justice.

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

A dimension not of sight and sound, but of mind? ;)