(no subject)

[arethinn]

I want to be good at the things which bring happiness, beauty, satisfaction, fulfillment and/or enjoyment. This is why it is not so important to me to be good at school or to "have a career", and far more important to me to be attractive, to be magical, and to be good at arts and games (none of which I am). All of these things have, on some level, to do with fun, with enjoying or enriching life, even if only temporarily. That is what makes me value them as important.

Comments

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is that those of us who are good at the arts and being magical really really wish we could be good at school and having a career. I'd love to have your ability to stick to a budget and actually save money and stuff. I'd love to have your sheer *togetherness* in terms of such things. So, um, if it helps any... grass is always greener? Besides, you seem pretty damn magical to me. We never seem magical to ourselves, it's all about the show we put on for others. Internal magic is really just the rabbit in the hat trick - it looks special to everyone else, but we who perform it just think we're doing this trick we learned, see?

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

So, um, if it helps any... grass is always greener?

It doesn't, really (see my below comment to windtree), partly because well, of course the grass is always greener, I already knew that. (Perhaps if I were a cow...)

but we who perform it just think we're doing this trick we learned, see?

It doesn't seem to be entirely learnable. Like almost anything else, some base talent appears to be required. Most of the times I've observed this in action, anyway, it seems to have come out of a natural instinct or inclination - i.e., something that is learned feels quite different.

[windtree.livejournal.com]

I know a number of people who would disagree with that list of things you claim not to be. :-p

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

When I was reading tyrsalvia's comment above and discussing it with enotsola last night, an actual reason occurred to me why comments like that (whether true or not) can never actually help the situation:

I cannot internally identify with anyone else's (contradictory) opinion, and I perceive it as people trying to hand me a ready-made conclusion, rather than evidence from which to draw my own conclusions. "But I think you are" is, at best, hearsay, in my book. It is analogous to the advice "show, don't tell" when speaking of fiction writing. Only that which shows counts as acceptable evidence. Being told is just not effective.

[windtree.livejournal.com]

That makes sense.
So now we just have to work out how to show you. :-p
And what sort of thing you'd actually believe if we tried.

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

i dunno... anything "tried" i would probably sense as being on purpose... it's hard to say.

the canonical example in my own experience..

when i lived in sacramento and had my (essentially) own living space, i would occasionally approach random Pretty Boy and invite him home to sleep next to (not with) me. the point of this is that i generally thought they were too pretty to ignore and i had to at least say something.

that's the sort of...compelling i want to have.

this is not supported at all by my personal history, in which everyone i have had any involvement with has been initiated by me... i.e... no one i considered attractive has ever approached me. to me this reads as no one (i counted as evidence) thought i was attractive enough to bother approaching, which as you can imagine, is Not Good.

the few incidents where people did approach me have been from people i either actively considered unattractive, or where i was not particularly impressed either way (they weren't unattractive, but i personally wasn't attracted)...

so since i figure people tend to approach people they feel are "equal", it doesn't bode well for me.

(just to give the example as related to attraction.. this has nothing/little to do with magic)

[windtree.livejournal.com]

so since i figure people tend to approach people they feel are "equal", it doesn't bode well for me.

They do? I've seen people approach people who were obviously not their equal (on the measures I had to hand), both "above" and "below". (Perhaps they either think too much or too little of themselves).

Equally I've seen people not approach someone because they don't think they are good enough, their type, etc. (Even if they would be exactly what the other person is looking for).

So I don't think that's a particularly useful judge of who you are.

Maybe all the pretty boys think you're too amazing and obviously already spoken for and thus don't ask? :-p

[wordsnotspoken.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I'm homeschooled. I really think I don't need school because of what you posted. I love my art classes though. They make me happy, it makes other people happy to see my art and to see me work. It's amazing. :D