(no subject)

[arethinn]

so what's wrong with changing a name to reflect one's current state? is there something in the great book of all things bad against that? sure, i guess, confusing for people on mailing lists.. but if I named myself "Elisann Tulgey" at the moment, after the Tulgey Wood in "Jabberwocky" (which is rather how I feel at the moment - dark, confused, but with wonder and fantastical things hiding in the shadows), would it be somehow wrong not to keep that when it passed? to keep changing my name or part of my name as circumstances dictated?

Comments

[digitalsidhe.livejournal.com]

I think it depends on how often you change your name. Every day? Every week? Too often. It will just make everyone go, "Yeah, what-everr," and settle on one for you, just to stop the insanity (and confusion).

Every couple of years? Doable. Maybe pushing it, in some folks' opinions, but doable.

Every decade? Perfectly respectable, in my book.

Less often than that? Perhaps a bit more introspection is called for. Or a bit less stagnation.

[arethinn]

It would be less often than that - probably every few months or so.

Just out of curiosity, and for the data point since I respect your opinions, do you think that would be too often for me? Or do you not know enough about me to make that judgement? Or the questio might be, to keep within the parameters of your comment, do you think it's lack of sufficient instropection, or too much stagnation that would lead to such for me?

If you have no clue, that's a fine answer - just if you have any thoughts on the matter I'd like to hear them. They'd be interesting if nothing else.

[digitalsidhe.livejournal.com]

I don't know if once every few months would be too often for you, but I'm pretty sure it's too often for other people. A name is a personal thing, yes, but it's also an item of social convention. People around me know to say "Kai" if they want my attention (and it'd be neat if a few people would occasionally call me "Kagan", but I ain't holding my breath), and I know that if someone says "Kai," then it's me they want.

And everyone's gotten used to that. If I suddenly decide to -- heck, let's say I just decide to use my middle name, David. People are not in the habit of calling me "Dave" or "David". They don't think of me as David. It would take at least three or four months for them to get used to that (probably more like six), and the only way it would happen is if I trained them to it by never responding to Kai. (Which would require training myself, too -- looking around at the sound of one's name is pretty reflexive.)

Yes, I know this is really a practicality issue, not a spiritual one. But if there are big practicality problems with a thing like this, it will get in the way of the spiritual effect. If you're constantly having to battle against everyone's ingrained habits (including your own!), that energy is taken away from actually walking the path. Make sense?

[arethinn]

As I responded to Autumn - I'm not trying to get masses of people to refer to me as something different. This is for online use only. I just want something to put on my emails and newsgroup posts (except business stuff where I would use my real name) that can be used pretty much anywhere, instead of the collection of "themed" names that I have now. Should I meet anyone new under this name, they'd probably come to think of me that way, so it needs to be something I wouldn't mind being called (such as at a coffee klatch for a mailing list or something), but I'm not intending to convert over from Lisa or anything like that.

[boiwondering.livejournal.com]

I think your name is your own, to use or change as you see fit, and if anyone has a problem, hey... fuck 'em if they can't take a joke, eh?

[arethinn]

Leave it to a brother to give this kind of answer :)

Seriously though. Having a small repertoire and changing every day - or more often, depending on how I was feelign with the post - is too much. Too minute, too - giving too much detail, too much separation to something that is really a single phenomenon of me, in all my variations. Part of this is letting go of the need to label every little thing (down, Virgo, down!) and letting a variety of characteristics and stuff be subsumed under one name or label. And yet, I feel that I am a dynamic being and there's no way I can stick to a single name (short of my "true name", which like most people's I suspect isn't even a "word" as we know it) for any lengthy period of time. Too much change and discovery going on for that. In a way, a name is as much a statement to myself as it is a term of address for other people.

[enotsola]

So feel free to change it as you see fit. I'm sure some people will continue to call you whatever they call you, and others will pick up whatever name you use. I think really that it's more important what it means to you than what it means to others. But then, that's me generally right now. I think that daily or even weekly name changing gets to be too confusing. Monthly is probably also pushing it, but every few months, while it may be confusing for some, sounds about right. Longer if you feel the need, but I'd try not to do shorter.

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

If you change your name on a regular basis, people will call you Lisa forever.

Having experienced this... if you really want people to call you by your new name, you have to get very insistant, especially with people like relatives and those who think what you're doing is silly or otherwise don't get it. You learn to automaticly correct people, because they just won't do it on their own, many of them.

Not only that, but some people take a long time to get adjusted. Some people will get it in a couple of days, while it may take others a couple of years. If you continue to change your name, many of these people will not know what to call you, so they'll continue to call you Lisa since that's your "real name" in their eyes anyways.

If you're considering going the legal route, I can assure you that it's a giant pain in the ass you don't want to do more than once. I went through the courts and it cost me about $300 and three months for my name change. If you go by the usage method, it takes 7 years to become permanant. Either way, trying to correct all the businesses and creditors who have the wrong name for you sucks, and you don't want to do this more than once. (The older you get, the more people have official records for you, and the more people you'll have to change this with. Even now 6 and a half years after my legal name change, there are still a couple of institutions (banks, etc.) that don't have the correct name for me.)

So, I don't think there's anything wrong with it, no. But, I don't think you'd get taken seriously by many people if you changed your name more often than every 5 years at the bare minimum, and I think it would be a giant pain in the ass for you to deal with no matter how seriously you were taken.

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

I don't mean to sound overly discouraging, I just wanted to point out the practical aspects of such a thing. Changing your name is a giant pain in the ass and while I'm glad I did it, I don't want to do it again.

I suggest you decide on a fairly permanant name and stick with it for legal and family purposes, and maybe have an ever-changing nickname you ask your friends to call you. This should minimize the irritation aspect, while still allowing you the freedom of frequent self-definition.

[arethinn]

Oh, I think you (and possibly Kai?) missed some prior discussion. I'm not talking about a real, honest-to-gods name change, with or without legal aspect. This is for online use only. The rest of the world is going to go right on calling me the name on my birth certificate (until I marry and the last name changes - I'll be glad to be free of my long last name!). I just don't generally like to go by my real name online (except for business transactions), so I needed something else to call myself that would be usable in all the various places I want to use it, rather than having one name to use pagan places, one name to use goth places, etc etc.

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

I'd suggest using a name with one common thread if you're going to change it. People like to know that they're talking to the same person (or not). I like someone else's idea for keeping the same net.firstname and changing the last name. That way, people will have a sense that they're talking to the same person, but you can still change something on a whim.

Personal Choices

[estasia.livejournal.com]

You have to do what you feel is right. It is all in the way it makes you feel. Names are a very personal thing, sometimes they have power. If it feels right for you to change, then you change. Your name should grow with you. Chosing your name can be part of the process of identifying who you are. With that said, you can see why changing daily would seem bad. That lack of identification of self can be unhealthy. But if every few months, you have identified enough change in yourself to change your name, then by all means. . .Change.

[tiggrrl.livejournal.com]

I would think that as long as you stuck with Elisann as the first part of the name, people would figure out that the last part was changing based on mood, and not freak out about it changing fairly frequently (like once a month or whatever). As long as there is some basic constant, I think people can adapt to the changes.