(no subject)

I'm watching some kind of marathon on VH1 of "I Love the 80s" at the moment, and I just gotta say WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH BOY GEORGE'S MAKEUP?? I mean, he was always rather.. campy, let's say. But this job looks like... gods, I don't even know. If you took him and purposely made him a clown, but like, with that whole femmey, new-wave thing still going on. Scary shit.

(no subject)

I'm watching some kind of marathon on VH1 of "I Love the 80s" at the moment, and I just gotta say WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH BOY GEORGE'S MAKEUP?? I mean, he was always rather.. campy, let's say. But this job looks like... gods, I don't even know. If you took him and purposely made him a clown, but like, with that whole femmey, new-wave thing still going on. Scary shit.

(no subject)

I am just not having a good weekend. The material in the Underworld workshop has been good, but aside from the annoyance of getting up in the morning, I sat there the whole afternoon feeling very out of place because with only a couple exceptions, I am easily 15-25 years the junior of everyone else in the room, and feeling like I shouldn't even be there because I was not having deep, interesting experiences and in fact was often failing to have the basic part, that of feeling I was actually within the Underworld. It's making me seriously question whether I want to spend another $180 to most likely repeat the experience in July. I thought going to actual workshops would be helpful, but when it's clear I'm far behind everyone else, it hardly makes it worth it, because I feel so bad. In fact I'm rather questioning my right to be in any such place, including gathers. I remember in one of the workshops at Pantheacon that Orion Foxwood was talking about having Sight, and how this is something one is either born with or is not, and it's either awake all one's life, or shows up in puberty. As I'm now 25 it seems highly unlikely I'm suddenly going to "bloom" someday, so lacking even the basic aptitude that would be necessary to work in magical tradition, it makes me wonder what the fuck I think I am doing? Similar with gathers.. obviously that is also something one is, or is not, and it seems like jazz ("if you have to ask, you'll never know")... something where "if you have to question whether you are, then you're not".

(no subject)

I am just not having a good weekend. The material in the Underworld workshop has been good, but aside from the annoyance of getting up in the morning, I sat there the whole afternoon feeling very out of place because with only a couple exceptions, I am easily 15-25 years the junior of everyone else in the room, and feeling like I shouldn't even be there because I was not having deep, interesting experiences and in fact was often failing to have the basic part, that of feeling I was actually within the Underworld. It's making me seriously question whether I want to spend another $180 to most likely repeat the experience in July. I thought going to actual workshops would be helpful, but when it's clear I'm far behind everyone else, it hardly makes it worth it, because I feel so bad. In fact I'm rather questioning my right to be in any such place, including gathers. I remember in one of the workshops at Pantheacon that Orion Foxwood was talking about having Sight, and how this is something one is either born with or is not, and it's either awake all one's life, or shows up in puberty. As I'm now 25 it seems highly unlikely I'm suddenly going to "bloom" someday, so lacking even the basic aptitude that would be necessary to work in magical tradition, it makes me wonder what the fuck I think I am doing? Similar with gathers.. obviously that is also something one is, or is not, and it seems like jazz ("if you have to ask, you'll never know")... something where "if you have to question whether you are, then you're not".

(no subject)

I can handle the "I Love the 70s" and "I Love the 80s" shows, but the idea of "I Love the 90s" is rather creeping me out. In my memory, there was very little to love about the 90s. Maybe in another ten years that decade, too, will be called to my mind with smirking yet wistful nostalgia, like I do the 80s, but I just don't think I'm ready to relive junior high and high school yet, thankyouverymuch. *wince*

(so, what, the 80s - where I was teased past my breaking point by the other kids and eventually brought a knife to school - is somehow better? *raps on own head* hello? what fucked up value system is this?)

(no subject)

I can handle the "I Love the 70s" and "I Love the 80s" shows, but the idea of "I Love the 90s" is rather creeping me out. In my memory, there was very little to love about the 90s. Maybe in another ten years that decade, too, will be called to my mind with smirking yet wistful nostalgia, like I do the 80s, but I just don't think I'm ready to relive junior high and high school yet, thankyouverymuch. *wince*

(so, what, the 80s - where I was teased past my breaking point by the other kids and eventually brought a knife to school - is somehow better? *raps on own head* hello? what fucked up value system is this?)