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Well shit. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
enotsola tells me that the Cambridge library (to whom I had submitted a resume in June, for no specific position, their site just says "we keep things on file and we'll call you") just called me in Kitchener to ask me in for an interview or something. Apparently they were disappointed to hear I had moved back to California as they were really hoping I'd work out. So not that I haven't already been kicking myself for several months wondering if I was right to move back, and being weirdly emotional about it such that so much as seeing a Canadian flag can make me almost burst into tears, but then they go and try to call me (undertone in my brain of "well where was this offer six or even three months ago, ya jerks?", though).
So would it have worked? If I had hung on through the winter and spent another couple thousand dollars of my savings (I was already down to about 2/3 what I started last year with by the time everything was said and done and I was back here), would I now (soon) be living the Coarsegold dream, so to speak? When I was there I was panicking that it had been the wrong idea, that I should have slowed down and reconsidered in January when I got the visa, and noticed that things had changed and it would have been a better overall path to just stop then and bring him here, since I had a near-perfect job situation, and that by charging ahead with "damnit, I started it, I'm going to finish it" was probably not the wisest choice. I have already been full of anxious "what ifs", and now here's something concrete. So did I do the wrong thing AGAIN?
I am sick and tired of not knowing where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing; when I am jumping the gun and when if I wait any longer I will be just wasting my time. I gave up something good which I can probably never get back in the hopes that I might be able to make something different work. I wasn't able to do it as fast as I needed to, or thought I needed to, so I said "fuck it". And now it looks like I may have again given up something good which I can never get back (at least, not easily, although I am really not sure what the government of Canada thinks I am - do they even know I've left? the MTO knows that I have re-licensed my car in California, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything of itself, and the left hand may not know what the right hand is doing) in the hopes of making something else work out, and AUGH!!!!!!!
did I mention, AUGH!!!!!!! ?
enotsola tells me that the Cambridge library (to whom I had submitted a resume in June, for no specific position, their site just says "we keep things on file and we'll call you") just called me in Kitchener to ask me in for an interview or something. Apparently they were disappointed to hear I had moved back to California as they were really hoping I'd work out. So not that I haven't already been kicking myself for several months wondering if I was right to move back, and being weirdly emotional about it such that so much as seeing a Canadian flag can make me almost burst into tears, but then they go and try to call me (undertone in my brain of "well where was this offer six or even three months ago, ya jerks?", though).So would it have worked? If I had hung on through the winter and spent another couple thousand dollars of my savings (I was already down to about 2/3 what I started last year with by the time everything was said and done and I was back here), would I now (soon) be living the Coarsegold dream, so to speak? When I was there I was panicking that it had been the wrong idea, that I should have slowed down and reconsidered in January when I got the visa, and noticed that things had changed and it would have been a better overall path to just stop then and bring him here, since I had a near-perfect job situation, and that by charging ahead with "damnit, I started it, I'm going to finish it" was probably not the wisest choice. I have already been full of anxious "what ifs", and now here's something concrete. So did I do the wrong thing AGAIN?
I am sick and tired of not knowing where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing; when I am jumping the gun and when if I wait any longer I will be just wasting my time. I gave up something good which I can probably never get back in the hopes that I might be able to make something different work. I wasn't able to do it as fast as I needed to, or thought I needed to, so I said "fuck it". And now it looks like I may have again given up something good which I can never get back (at least, not easily, although I am really not sure what the government of Canada thinks I am - do they even know I've left? the MTO knows that I have re-licensed my car in California, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything of itself, and the left hand may not know what the right hand is doing) in the hopes of making something else work out, and AUGH!!!!!!!
did I mention, AUGH!!!!!!! ?