names

[arethinn]

What are people's thoughts on names that describe what you would like to be, or wish you were, rather than something you are?

That sort of name always feels like false advertising to me. If someone wants to name themselves "Morgana", for example, they had better have the personality and power to wear the name well; otherwise it is just silly and feels like self-aggrandizement or fluffiness (cf. "Lady Pixie Moondrip", for you Pagans out there).

I have been thinking about how names are acquired both in life and in myth, and it seems to me that the names that actually mean anything are generally the ones that are bestowed upon us. The names on our birth certificates, of course, are given by our parents. In some traditions one's initiatory name is given by the group or by one single other person, and not chosen for oneself. Nicknames and sometimes changes of "real" name are given by the family or peer group based on some physical or personality characteristic, or a deed (such as Setanta becoming Cu Chulainn after killing Culann's hound). Even those who have apparently changed their names for themselves (such as tyrsalvia), I'm going to lay a small amount of money that the name seemed to be made obvious by circumstances, and not simply dreamt up because they liked it.

What all this is boiling down to is that I don't think I am ever going to be able to pick a name for myself, because that's "impure" - real names are given.

Part of the reason this is a problem in the first place is that I don't feel I can "be anyone" (skipping whether I am inherently capable of that in the first place) without having a name to hang it on, and I don't want to stick things to a name that gives others unfavourable first impressions of me (no matter how much I might like "night-forest star-song", it's a bad idea), or that I would later regret or outgrow. Without a name I am paralyzed.

Comments

[unseelie.livejournal.com]

cheat,

"night-forest star-song",

in gaelic, or latin, or - etc
might sound nice - and can be changed later.

so sez

Richard
aka
Lord llew, Lugh, Bright Eyes, Aiken-Ap-Lugh, and several more than i've managed to forget.

:-D

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

I usually like to stay away from fancy Gaelic because it's impossible for most others to pronounce, spell, or indeed remember (because of the first two)!

[forestdweller.livejournal.com]

I changed my name when I was sixteen and hungry for some sort of ritual to mark all of the changes I saw in myself. I decided on a name-change from my child to my adult name and thus went out and meditated on a fallen tree for an afternoon. Raevyn was the name that came to me. I haven't changed it legally yet because I'm still attached to my legal name as well even if it feels REALLY weird to be called by it these days.

When I was twenty I wanted to change my name again, as another growth marker but by that time everyone had grown used to calling me Raevyn and it would have been much, much harder to change my name at twenty than it was at sixteen when I had the brashness or youth and the lack of responsibility and taproots that came with it.

Someday I may legally add Raevyn to my legal name as a hyphenate or another middle name.

[aki-dreaming.livejournal.com]

Names are words and words are power.

Our culture places a lot of emphasis the Name as Identity. It makes sense given what our society is like, with the number of people and the size of the country and all that. However, I think it's a fairly recent development in human culture.

I've never kept a name I chose - people will call me what they want. Some can't change. Once they have a word for you in their heads, they can't adapt it.

I have kept names I've been given, but I do believe that the true name, the Essential name, is something that is simply Known. I also believe that to give that name out is to give away power. Therefore, I have a name I never speak or write down or call myself in front of people.

But names are, above all, personal, and you have to do what feels right to you.

If I'd gone ahead and changed my name legally when I was 19, I'd be Autumn Grey Midhir. It makes sense if you're me.

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

"I've never kept a name I chose - people will call me what they want. Some can't change. Once they have a word for you in their heads, they can't adapt it."

Yeah.. I've gotten stuck with "Eshari" this way although it doesn't have a specific link to anything anymore.

"I do believe that the true name, the Essential name, is something that is simply Known. I also believe that to give that name out is to give away power. Therefore, I have a name I never speak or write down or call myself in front of people."

Yes, I know this name. I am not sure what I think about it being "giving away power" in an aboslute sense; IME it has to be said in the right way by the right person for that to have any "meat". But in any case it's certainly nothing casual. Very, very briefly I used it publically on some otherkin lists back in about 2000 but I stopped that and I doubt if anyone besides enotsola (who, as soul-mate, knew it anyway) remembers. Around the time I discovered it in the first place, which was... phew... a long time ago... 13? 15 years? ... I used it with a then-good friend, and we called ourselves "soul sisters" and such silliness (we were both early teens and this was also the time we were live-acting ElfQuest and such).

In any case, that's the only name I've had that I've never wanted to change, which given the fact that I've had a bajillion other names throughout my life, never managing to find one that didn't itch after a few months, tops, speaks to me of its reality. The fact that when enotsola says it it has physical effect on me is something too. But it's not appropriate for general use, as you've noted. Soo.. stuck.

[lupabitch.livejournal.com]

I agree that words carry power. Our third circuit, the time-binding semantic circuit, is all our programming about words and what they mean. Words are vital to human communication at this stage in our development. They capture concepts and energy; this is why words are so important in certain forms of magic.

Giving yourself a name that describes what you aspire to be is a good practice, IMO. It reinforces the qualities you wish to manifest within yourself as well as acting as a reminder of your goals. Others began calling me Lupa years ago, because I was very wolfish, and in the time since I adopted that name as my preferred one my lupine nature has become more pronounced. I also add bits to the name according to what qualities I wish to complement the Wolf with--for instance, it's common these days for me to sign emails and such LupaVixen because I want to balance out the Wolf with Fox.

[sunshaker.livejournal.com]

A number of Martial Art groups will give out names, usually those the combat sports ones (boxing, wrestling, kick-boxing, etc), these names are almost never picked by the person that uses them. A good example of this is Dog Brothers (http://www.dogbrothers.com/).

---

once again seen on enotsola's journal.

[erisian-fields.livejournal.com]

Have you read "Tailchaser's Song" by Tad Williams? It's a rather long read, but worth it, and it has quite a bit of pondering about names and naming.

I have come around to thinking that my parents actually did pretty well to name me, even if some of it is a little funny. Crystal Lyn Carpenter is what is on my birth certificate. If you run it all together, it sounds like crystalline carpenter--a quartz statue of a dude in painter's overalls weilding a hammer. Not many women my age are named Crystal. It was a pain in the ass to wear that name as child and even worse as a pre-teen and teenager, but I think I've grown into it.

Right now, my older daughter is going through something similar as what you are describing. She's working out how her name fits her, IF it fits her, and if not, what else would. I named her for both of my mothers (bio and step), but she is definitely her own person. If she comes up with something that fits her better and that she likes better, I'll honor her wishes (until she does something that would get her grounded until she's 30, then she'll likely hear all of her names in that particular flavor of parental tone of voice).

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

Tailchaser's Song: Yes, it's one of my favourite books. I've had it since I was a young teenager. I actually do get some of my subconscious soup on names from there (I liked the idea of face, heart and tail names, the latter corresponding roughly to a "soul name" in my mind).

[treewitch.livejournal.com]

When I was younger I had a name I gave to myself that most people called me by, for quite a few years. Most of my friends also did the same thing, and real names were seret, like it was taboo to speak it and those who knew it were deeply trusted. That's kind of like the knowing of your real name gives the other person power over you, as in faery tales.;P

But then I started to use my real name, and actually it describes me very well, even if it is just a normal name. I like it, I like to hear it used. Even if it's my given name I feel I was given it for a reason, though I am strange as everyone else I know wants to change their real names to something more fitting of them. Perhaps to know your name, given at birth or given/found later, and feel comfortable with it is to know and understand yourself.

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

Well, then I despair of ever finding a name, ever. :P

[spartydragon.livejournal.com]

I think some names have power and some don't; it largely depends on the person/creature/plant(Ernie!) being named. Like, Sparticus wasn't my first choice as an interweb persona but I never could come up with anything better and it just stuck - and it works for some strange reason. *shrugs*

Actualy, I think it's that strangeness that makes it work... <.< >.> Mwa ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa!

[sajin.livejournal.com]

I used to be a name giver, but that was a long time ago.

You are right about names needing to be given by others.

I've never been given a name of my own (except for my birth name), names define and trap while giving you power and focus. There is something to be said for being undefinable.

-Tony?

[starlightforest.livejournal.com]

I'd rather be focused.

[sajin.livejournal.com]

You should ask someone who knows you really well to name you then, cerimony is nice and affirming, but not necessary as long as you are able to properly focus on the new name.

[sajin.livejournal.com]

Oh it should also be someone you trust, but I think that goes without saying.

[toy-dragon.livejournal.com]

The thing about given birth names for me, is that they can feel empty. One thing I ponder though is that this could be due to cultural context - suffice it to say that I really am dissatisfied with cultures like the West, which presume to stamp a person with their one and only name at birth. To me, this is silly at best, and a bit diabolical at worst - diabolical in that many parents try to live vicariously through their children, often ruining their childhood and even adult lives. I know full well that some people choose a name for their child based on what they want that child to be - if they feel Phillip is the perfect name for a doctor, let's say, they're already setting their child up to be manipulated.

I'd much prefer the practice of bestowing "adult names" at a certain age of comencent, though the current legal system is not even set-up to make such a thing very practical. You know, give a name to a person based on what they've grown up to be, not what somebody wants them to be.

In this sense I suppose, the fact that names are given can be a bad thing as well as good - the whole two sides to every coin thing.

Having said all that, I have to kinda go with what Lupa said about a chosen name being something to aspire to and provide reinforcement. I also feel that what we might consider a "true" or at least Important name isn't really something that easy to "give power away" with. For example, the adult name I chose for myself, Kaijima, only truly means something Important in a very particular tone and set of circumstances during which I might be called by it. I feel those circumstances are very powerful, and they're not something I've ever made known to, well, anyone, and I doubt I ever will. One might also consider that the signifigance of a name can be tied to other factors in combination - as with me for instance, the full meaning of my name could only be understood by a person who knows the right frame of reference and who also knows the right way to use it. Otherwise it's just some sounds - I commonly merely go by Kai rather than use the full name.

And, perhaps amusingly, Toy Dragon is perhaps my own "given" name, that I happened to use for this LJ account. It's what a number of people who know me well began to refer to me as, and in context, it stuck.

[raki.livejournal.com]

Yes, this is why I find it hard to really take "Raki" seriously as a name. I made it up to use as an online handle because I didn't want to use my real name. I had it drilled into my head when I first started using the Internet that giving out any personal details online was an open invitation to stalkers, crackers and thieves, so you should avoid it at all costs.
Sure, it's personal, and it's mine, but it really doesn't have much meaning beyond that.

I used to go by 'Zelda'. I was surprised at how uncommon it is.

real names are given

Yes. I like to think of names as a marker of social identity, and so giving yourself a name kinda defeats the purpose. For people who are confused about their identity, finding out your Inner Name (or whatever you want to call it) can help, but probably only in that the circumstances where you come to know it give a fuller understanding of yourself as something to tie that name to. Sacred languages and glossolalia aside, they're really just a jumble of syllables.

Names are things that other people primarily use, so I don't see much reason to inflate the significance of use-names beyond something used to hail someone. Everyone is going to form different associations with that name, so having a handle that has a Deep and Abiding Meaning is pretty counterproductive.

I do believe in True Names (or whatever you want to call them), yes. But, as people have said, their meaning is also contextual. I think of them as deriving from the life a person lives. And because people change throughout their lives, so does the meaning of the name. But it's always an essence, or a vocalisation of an essence, that the rest of yourself is tied to.

[saizai.livejournal.com]

Dunno how much you know about my perspective on the subject.

Basically: my current one is a placeholder. I'll keep it for use as such until I find something that I can really call "my name". I don't expect that to happen, though.

So I've gotten gradually comfortable with being nameless. It's a bit strange, but I suppose it fits.