summary/restatement

[arethinn]

Getting slightly back on track, because I genuinely didn't want to stress any one example --

Is it normal to feel that there is nothing I have a right to, noplace I have a right to be, nothing I can do without being "called on it"? Does everyone get this (constantly, I mean, not just time to time, which I'm sure everyone does), or is there something wrong with me, or is it something wrong (or at least, non-conducive to this) with the world?

(I realize there is a significant component of "just whining" here, but though I do try to have a care that I am posting to an audience, I feel rather less - ahem - unjustified doing this in my personal journal than I would in a board/list/community.)

Comments

[glitterychaos.livejournal.com]

There is no place for you, for me, for anyone. There's too many people for anyone to believe in the uniqueness of the single individual, and the mastermind has taken over almost everything in daily life except one's personal thoughts and one's relationship with the divine, however you believe that...
that said, I have found it far easier to let others do the justifying for me. If people want to consider me human, then I`ll agree with them. Sure, I`m human, why argue? They are going to think what they like of me regardless of what I say. If they insist that I'm not human, then so be it. I must not be human to them. I guess the point I'm trying to make his no matter how much you justify yourself to others, it is as likely to change their opinion of you. You know who you are, even if you don't know... and you can't ever be your true self here among other people, because there just isn't room for that.

Perhaps you should not focus so much on justifying your right to exist or to be, because I found that this is the number one thing that causes people to think that I don't have a right to exist or to be. If I don't question my own right to exist, then no one else will.

Another idea, I`ve stopped calling myself anything but by name, and thus people have a much harder time contradicting me. If they can't even put a word to what I am, then they can't say that that I'm faking it. If I don't claim to be anything, anything that they can put words to, then they cannot claim that I am wrong. Kind of a chaotic way to do it I suppose... and I've been accused of this making me "far more fae than I ever was before" *laughs!*

anyways, I guess I`m loosing sense here, so I`ll stop. Just my thoughts on the matter, and keep in mind that I think the otherkin community was an utter piece of crap (for the most part) when I left so my opinion probably doesn't have much value to those of that community.

[m0usegrrl.livejournal.com]

If I don't question my own right to exist, then no one else will.

EXACTLY.

::points to the rest of this comment with a big sign saying "what glitterychaos said"::

[arethinn]

I'm starting to have a horribly embarrassing, guilty, sinking feeling that I may have been contributing to this problem myself all along, and what's worse, not altogether unconsciously (more like refuse-to-be-consciously, if that phrase makes any sense).

[m0usegrrl.livejournal.com]

no need to feel guilty -- i think everyone does this sort of thing to themselves at some point, over something or other. i know i have... and yeh, your phrase makes perfect sense. sometimes it is deliberate. it's easier to believe what someone tells us we are than to accept ourselves as we are. BEEG mistake. and we all do it. we're our own worst enemy in a lot of ways.

go with what your instincts tell you -- don't second-guess them, or seek justification from someone who can't possibly see the whole picture because they're not You, no matter how Insightful they are. YOU know what you are. deep down inside, you do. the rest of the world will just have to figure it out for themselves. and that's half the fun right there. =)

[arethinn]

no need to feel guilty -- i think everyone does this sort of thing to themselves at some point, over something or other. i know i have... and yeh, your phrase makes perfect sense. sometimes it is deliberate. it's easier to believe what someone tells us we are than to accept ourselves as we are. BEEG mistake. and we all do it. we're our own worst enemy in a lot of ways.

No, I mean by requiring others to justify themselves, even if only in my own head, silently. Given that I posited that people doing this on a mailing list - even if they don't actually voice the challenges because of a veneer of politeness - can still produce an atmosphere that people pick up on intuitively, then I have been not just not part of the solution, but an active part of the problem. And I think I have been trying to ignore it even though I know it (thus, not unconscious, but refuse-to-be-conscious).

[danodea.livejournal.com]

When I was a child, my parents instilled in me the idea that The World Is Not Fair.

They also instilled the idea that you really can't trust anyone outside of Family with some types of information or responsibility; this caused some problems when it became obvious that even Family did not support certain types of abilities and talents - which implied no support.

I found my inner sense of strength because I lost everything I had believed in, and started over. It wasn't fun, and it was long and slow, but it brought me to a place where I was much more self-directed and self-determined.

The reason I'm saying these things is that I think the only places where one can truly find acceptance are the places one makes - inside one's own head, inside one's own living space, perhaps inside a chosen family. perhaps inside a chosen community that one helps to build, or helps to grow.

At least, that's my experience.

[arethinn]

The connection between feeling strong and worthwhile and having living space is a salient point, and an important one to me. My "best times" that I remember so far were when I was at Sac State and living in my own apartment... well, with a boyfriend that I eventually grew apart from, but the point is -- NOT with my parents, which is where I have been living again since graduating (reasons are several and all practical, and mostly irrelevant).