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So now that the phrase has been determined to probably be "Where's the percentage in...", the actual post that I wanted to use it in:
Where's the percentage in being a really rude, abrasive som'bitch? I know I can get pretty tart myself when I am annoyed with someone for not knowing something (regardless of whether it was reasonable to expect them to know it), which is also bad. But when I have negative opinions about something, I try not to frame them in extremely strong language, nor to be completely dismissive of $WHATEVER. In general I hope I successfully avoid coming across as an all-purpose obnoxious jerk, although I probably do so on accident sometimes.
But why would someone want to do so on purpose, or if not precisely "on purpose", to happily cite "that's just the way I am" as a supposed excuse for generally mean behavior? (For the otherkin out there, "I can't help doing $CRAPPY_ACTION because I am a $SPECIES" is a variant.) I know have no right to dictate others' personal communication styles in situations I don't control, but I really don't get why this makes it "okay" for them to be harsh all the time. It just seems like an incredible waste of energy to be constantly aggressive and I have very little will or desire to engage with it. (Usually I drop out of such arguments after a few exchanges, which sometimes provides fodder for sarcastic "awww, too-sensitive couldn't take the heat! you've just realized that you're WRONG, you just don't want to admit it" sorts of comments, but there's nothing I can do about that; why keep banging my head against a wall, really.)
To me it generally reads as a lack of any basic respect for the thing or person under discussion and for others in the conversation. Why should being addressed in a noncombative manner be a privilege that has to be earned by being "good enough" or "impressive enough"?
In short, I know I am basically a weak, bland personality and this world would be pretty dull if everyone were in fact as, ah, let's say "temperate" as I am, but goddamnit, why do some people have to be so fucking nasty?
Where's the percentage in being a really rude, abrasive som'bitch? I know I can get pretty tart myself when I am annoyed with someone for not knowing something (regardless of whether it was reasonable to expect them to know it), which is also bad. But when I have negative opinions about something, I try not to frame them in extremely strong language, nor to be completely dismissive of $WHATEVER. In general I hope I successfully avoid coming across as an all-purpose obnoxious jerk, although I probably do so on accident sometimes.
But why would someone want to do so on purpose, or if not precisely "on purpose", to happily cite "that's just the way I am" as a supposed excuse for generally mean behavior? (For the otherkin out there, "I can't help doing $CRAPPY_ACTION because I am a $SPECIES" is a variant.) I know have no right to dictate others' personal communication styles in situations I don't control, but I really don't get why this makes it "okay" for them to be harsh all the time. It just seems like an incredible waste of energy to be constantly aggressive and I have very little will or desire to engage with it. (Usually I drop out of such arguments after a few exchanges, which sometimes provides fodder for sarcastic "awww, too-sensitive couldn't take the heat! you've just realized that you're WRONG, you just don't want to admit it" sorts of comments, but there's nothing I can do about that; why keep banging my head against a wall, really.)
To me it generally reads as a lack of any basic respect for the thing or person under discussion and for others in the conversation. Why should being addressed in a noncombative manner be a privilege that has to be earned by being "good enough" or "impressive enough"?
In short, I know I am basically a weak, bland personality and this world would be pretty dull if everyone were in fact as, ah, let's say "temperate" as I am, but goddamnit, why do some people have to be so fucking nasty?
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Date: Mar. 3rd, 2006 04:09 am (UTC)From:yeah, i've run into that 'explanation' before too. Using the fact of being 'kin as an excuse for bullying behaviour is still just that - an excuse. And of course they don't want you walking away from them, since they're getting off on their (perceived) Control of the situation, and their emotional investment in Winning. To say 'that's just how i am' is, in my book, exactly the same as admitting to being a large flaming arsehole. And they then get treated accordingly, as in, buh-bye!
no subject
Date: Mar. 3rd, 2006 06:30 am (UTC)From:they don't want you walking away from them, since they're getting off on their (perceived) Control of the situation, and their emotional investment in Winning.
Hm, I dunno... if I walk away they win too, just not on facts, but by forcing me to forfeit. I try not to be bothered by this. In fact I am not very bothered by "losing", just by the thought that they may feel they have won, and I often feel like I would like to take people like this down a peg. Of course that's a futile wish since I am hardly mean enough to actually do so. I try to completely ignore communication I perceive as rude or mean, but sometimes something snaps and I try to defend [whatever].