(no subject)

[arethinn]

are there any life hacks for like. how to be worth anything and have anything you do deserve anyone giving a shit about it and to not get punished for the mere act of mentioning that it hurts to be wrong and not enough? answers on the back of a postcard

(and don't say "intimate friendships" like a couple of no doubt well-meaning folks did here. I have no idea how long it's been since I had one of those, never mind more than one. what a concept. the whole thing is there's not enough of me to achieve and sustain such a thing, even if I knew anyone with whom I would be comfortable trying it, which I don't. I barely get accepted into surface-level friendships. nor does "[you don't] need to reach a certain threshold to be allowed to live happily" make sense here because I'm talking about needing to reach a threshold to be accepted as belonging.)

Comments

[teaotter]

The only life hack I know for this is finding a therapist whose style works for you to value yourself more.

My problems were not the same, but I had trouble finding a therapist who actually changed my perspective and not just how I talked. The one I worked well with is a certified Hakomi Therapist and graduate of the Process Work Institute, which are the keywords I'd search for if I was looking outside of Oregon/Washington.

[who_is_page]

Unfortunately, the best place we've found to tackle our personal self-loathing and self-hatred (for us, related to our depression) was talking to a therapist and adjusting our habits to make us feel better about ourselves (eating better, sleeping on more regular schedules, spending more time outside in the sun, exercising, etc.). It wasn't easy but we found it to be worthwhile.

It's just an idea, but you're welcome to some of the friend servers/more tight-knit Discords servers I'm in if you'd like? I've definitely found the joining in on places that feel akin to going to a cafe every night and chatting with the same folks consistently is a good way to make friends, even close ones, and build a more viable support network of people you feel you can lean on and who will hype you up when you're feeling down. Plus, we'd love to get to know you better! Feels like we see you everywhere but barely talk at all. :P

[kossai]

... yeah . like , optimism and hope for others to be kind and respectful is all wonderful , and kossai do try to live and advocate for these things everyday . but also in kind of unstable position , with body that is not always cooperative , so definitely feel that vibe of like , never really feel safe to let people too far in , need certain things in life to change . otherwise tend to also not be enough for others , in sense of failures to live up to hopes and expectations - or else too much , in sense of instability and mistakes .

cheesy and unsatisfactory answer is that kossai just try things anyway , because try is fun . but ... obviously in cases of community events and such , that attention is necessary to try in first place , and that is where not really have much personal experience . even besides that , when self worth is massive struggle , can be hard to see anything at all as fun .

attention and recognition for hard work is great , but in so many modern living situations , these can end up as main pillars of self worth . but no one can produce and hype literally endlessly - efforts burn out sooner or later - and not only that , but audiences can not engage endlessly either . not that kossai know exact situations here , but is there chance others feel overwhelm too ?

guess would also ask - and no need to answer these in open air , just maybe to think about - is there something about these people in particular that is harder to impress , and why ? is there some reason that need approval of these specific people , like job or network connections , or is this more about personal identity and perceptions of self ?

[rialian]

===I can say that the therapy style my wife has been receiving seems to have helped her a lot. (I can get you the information on that style should you be interested in looking into it.) (Amongst other things, she has severe PTSD from her family and their WTF dynamics.)

[kllara]

:(